I AM NOT READY FOR THIS

it doesnt matter if i put lipstick on 

nobody will know if i dont put it on anyway

it doesnt matter if i dye my hair pink

things will still bring me down everyday

and what happens when im happy? will it matter then?

maybe, but not today

because when today ends comes monday

it will end and i will be okay

So what happened on Glee?

Did something exciting happen?

Oh, why do I not know?

Maybe it is because I was too busy shooting

GIMME MO!

Do you guys know what Gimme Mo is? 

Well, look it up!

It has something to do with this lady right here

and yes, she has something to do with the movie, “High School Musical”

aka one of the things that molded me into who i am today 

and tomorrow

and the day after that

and so on

ahhhhhh

i’m not going to say anything more about it

except for the fact that it was such an amazing experience

i didn’t pee my pants, although that would’ve happened if it was Di

but it was sort of like an awakening

five years ago, i watched her on tv

the movie changed me

five years ago, i wouldn’t believe you if you told me i was going to meet her

but i did today

to me it was like God telling me

“Sometimes you have to work hard, but sometimes it’s just sheer luck.”

and most importantly,

“Nothing is impossible. Everything is possible.”

today could’ve been chaotic

but no, today is insane

it still is

i felt awful in the morning 

but like always i got out of it 

well, naturally 

then came the whole “his mom-my grandpa” thing

which killed me 

my mom shouldn’t have said the things she said too

i wanted to kill myself in front of my entire family

then came the part where my parents and i rushed to the mall to buy stuff for my new cat

it was so much fun

and we bought everything in green

after that we went straight to my grandma’s,

where my kitten was

when i saw her for the first time

she was sleeping with my grandpa (my other one, they’re both still alive and healthy)

and i squealed

of course i did

she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me

not kidding! 

her name is Juno

taadaa!

i want her to be in my room but my dad doesnt allow me

so im just going to stick to his rules since im living under his roof

Juno’s sleeping now, right in front of me

she’s been sleeping everywhere

i love her already

my birthday was on the fifteenth

if you want to know

it was fine, not as spectacular as my other birthdays (last year etc etc)

but it was nice

at the exact same day i found out i was getting a cat

yippe

which im very happy and excited for

the cat’s persian and it’s still in the hands of my cousin’s aunt

because she owns the parents 

and the kitten still needs its mommy’s milk 

im on edge here

but ill be patient for a kitten

i’ve been hating school for the last couple of years days

i dont know

there’s nothing fun about it at all these days

and it feels so friggin long

i havent started on my homework yet and its half past eight here

i cant careless

cant wait for saturday

but like when it reaches two 

cause i have a test which begins at seven thirty 

…………..fuck

i dont feel calm or anything

maybe i feel nothing

i cant sleep

when i try to sleep, i cry

hello!

as it turns out…

i can feel fine too and not angsty all the friggin time. 

i’ve been having these weird dreams though

they keep me sleeping and waking up at the same time

but you know, whatever.

life’s been okay though. 

i got decent grades in my report card. 

but who cares right. hahaha.

well, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to everyone!

hope you’re all having a blast…………………

i’m not ready to be older

i’m not ready for all the problems

i’m not ready for the world

i don’t even like being fifteen

(it’s my favorite number) 

what’s going to happen when i’m sixteen

i’m so scared

im going to study for the tests tomorrow

i just can’t careless